Spectrobes

Platform: Nintendo DS
Verdict: Gotta bore em all.
Rating: 3/5
Spectrobes is every parent’s worst nightmare. It’s not one of those mythical murder simulators that’ll turn your kids into slavish brainwashed killers but a new game with the obligatory addition to the ever expanding roster of wallet sapping, Manga styled Saturday morning cartoons. You know the ones - they make little sense and usually send the most resilient into an epileptic fit.
Despite the cynical cash cow Spectrobes is obviously meant to be, the game that will spawn a thousand merchandising opportunities has a lot going for it. Taking its cues from the Pokemon stable, it’s all about collecting monsters, rearing them and making them fight (kinda like bear baiting for ethically minded kids).
Spectrobes’ twist on this successful formula is that the creatures begin life as fossils that once located and excavated can be awakened by the dulcet tones of your voice.
Reared in incubators on a nutritious diet of similarly excavated minerals, the baby Spectrobes can become battle ready adults and even evolve (sorry creationists) into new wondrous forms of walking A-bombs.
Split between adventuring across sprawling dual screen landscapes to save the universe and the more sedentary aspects of archeology and creature breeding, Spectrobes attempts to use the DS’ unique features in a number of ways.
Excavating fossils requires the careful use of the touch screen as you scrape away the rock face with your stylus and in a lovely (but pointless) touch, blow away dust with your own breath (using the DS’ microphone).
Unfortunately, once you’ve awakened and reared an exciting collection of creatures, the actual combat makes it all rather pointless.
Trading Pokemon’s deep and strategic turn-based combat for a butchered real-time approximation, Spectrobes delivers a weak alternative with cumbersome controls and a bizarre impression of line dancing on ice.
Along with the stop/start trudge of random fossil searching and a forgettable story, no amount of unique touches can save it from the death knell of boredom - not what you need on a Saturday morning.