Dead Or Alive 4 (16+)
Format: Xbox 360.
Essential online fighter.
One thing’s a common in every beat-em-up - the single player game is almost always weak, unimaginative and unrewarding. Programming realistic A.I. is a challenge that has yet to be met fully and on the hardest difficulty settings it can react unnervingly fast to your actions. Utterly inhuman like and totally unfair it can still present a challenge to the hardcore and downright persistent out there. To beat the machine is a matter of working out patterns, rhythms and routines. To beat a human on the other hand can be a complex, psychological battle and all the more rewarding. Which brings me to Dead or Alive 4.
As a sequel it ticks all the right boxes - better graphics, more moves, more characters, a plethora of new features and various tweaks to the combat system (like tightening the counter attack timing and speeding up gameplay). Once you’ve plowed through the frustrating single player story mode with every character (essential to unlock all the fighters) you should head straight online as this is where the game truly reveals its colours with a wide range of match options and game types. Lengthy sessions of ‘Winner stays on’ could certainly be humbling but your skill level is matched with other players of a similar level meaning fights should always be equal and more importantly, challenging and satisfying. You can of course convince your friends to take you on at home but their button bashing should fall foul of your mastery of the ‘Free’ button.
Differentiating DOA from other 3D fighters (that and its penchant for scantily clad, top heavy, female characters) the ‘Free’ button sits alongside Punch and Kick and works as a standard block move. With the right timing however it turns into an opponent destroying counter attack. The gamble is that if your timing is off you’re left open to attack and against a skilled player that small window is all they need to destroy you. Get it right though and every punch they throw can be turned against them making every fight a tense game of poker faced bluffing.
As well as the ‘Free’ button and ample portioned graphics the DOA series is known for its expansive arenas and interactive environments. Most of the fights take place in large, multi-tiered areas - opera houses, Chinese gardens, mountain top shrines and even a Las Vegas high street. Throughout the fights you’ll find yourself being smashed through windows, thrown down stairs and kicked into the paths of moving cars. You can of course do all this to the opponent - slamming someone into an electric fence is particularly satisfying (especially when they curse you). Perhaps colourful vocabulary is what really separates the A and the I.
7/10

The Da Vinci Code (16+)
Format: PS2, Xbox, PC.
Not exactly a page turner...
Remember those Where’s Wally? books? Well welcome to the modern day equivalent. No i’m not referring to Dan Brown’s novel The Da Vinci Code (or Where’s the Holy Grail?) but the videogame of it, otherwise known as Where’s the letter X? It could also be called Where’s the fun?, Where’s the drama? or Where’s the escape from this painful, dreary mess? All suitable titles and definitely not books i’d recommend to kids (or anyone for that matter).
Now, as one of those rare people that seems to have completely missed the Da Vinci Code phenomenon this is my first foray into Brown’s world (as exciting as it sounds) and the alleged mystery of the Grail, Jesus and his lover.
Taking recent point n’ click evolutionary titles such as Broken Sword: The Sleeping Dragon as its starting point the Da Vinci Code attempts to recreate the experiences of the book by making you sit through endless, non-interactive cut scenes and endless ‘interactive’ chunks of generic 3rd person gameplay.
Taking control of the lead characters you get to wander around searching for clues (represented by the letter X that pops up at context sensitive spots), solve puzzles that are either blatantly obvious and lifted from the book or irritatingly vague and poorly made with hints so obtuse they’ll have you looking like Munch’s The Scream.
Alongside the exciting puzzles you’ll get the chance to duke it out with your fists as police and mad monks take a dislike to you. Providing some brief comedic relief to the dull brown gameplay, the combat engine is as contrived as the animation is laughable - you can look forward to drawn out fights that seem to be modelled on a fighting style more akin to Captain Kirk’s playground scraps (just without the retro kitschness).
Combine that with the A.I. that’s as intelligent as rubber and can lose sight of you if you run to the other side of the room (‘They’ve disappeared!’) and you’ve got a very sub standard game, although the word ‘game’ normally constitutes something fun which this isn’t.
Any aspiring painters out there into theological symbology, please leave your works with detailed, written explanations, just so no one can get in such a kerfuffle again.
3/10

Nintendo DS Lite + games roundup
On June 23rd Nintendo released the DS Lite throughout Europe. The Lite is an upgrade of the original DS, giving it a much needed redesign by making it smaller, lighter and brighter. Essentially transforming the DS from its ugly duckling beginnings into a sexy, must have gadget that Apple would be proud of, Nintendo have radically redefined their product image.
While many will argue it’s a cynical move releasing a new version of hardware barely 1½ years old, it’s obvious that the original design was rushed in order to meet the competition from Sony’s PSP. The DS’ success speaks for itself and the Lite is a welcome refinement and an embodiment of their continual push to make gaming accessible to everyone (and the fashion conscious).
Where it obviously improves on the size and looks of the original, the hidden changes are just as important - the screens have a brightness control (with the brightest even eclipsing the PSP’s), the microphone is centred, the Power button has moved to a better location and the stylus is now bigger (goodbye hand cramps!).
Disappointingly though there hasn’t been a firmware update - WiFi Pictochat, VOIP and some Organiser software would have been very very nice. With the imminent release of Opera, the internet browser for the DS, such things can only be round the corner.
To coincide with the launch of the DS Lite I thought i’d do a roundup of the its top titles for those about to invest in some touch screen action for the first time.
New Super Mario Brothers
The return of the greatest plumbers that lived, this is Mario and Luigi’s first 2D platformer since the legendary Super Mario World on the SNES. Retaining all that made them great and introducing two player gaming over WiFi, this is mushroom induced madness for a new generation.
Brain Training
The phenomenon that swept Japan is finally here. This is a curious title that isn’t strictly a game - as the name suggests it’s a piece of software that allows you to test and train your brain’s thinking bits by playing it for ten minutes a day. Comes with Sudoku for all the Vordermans out there.
Mario Kart: DS
The sequel to one of the most fun multiplayer games ever made introduces online races over WiFi and a collection of new tracks and old favourites to drop bananas on. Possibly the best in the series (and that’s saying something).
Tetris DS
The worlds most famous/addictive puzzle game comes to the DS replete with stylish new colours, touch screen control and online multiplayer gaming. Say goodbye to your life, say hello to Tetris.
Metroid Prime: Hunters
One of Nintendo’s greatest series arrives on the DS, reinvented around the touch screen/dual screen controls it delivers a PC style First Person Shooter integrated with the traditional Metroid single player game and a fast paced online deathmatch service over WiFi.
Animal Crossing: Wild World
When is a game not a game? When it’s Animal Crossing. More a way of life, AC:WW transports you to a randomly generated town of your naming and allows you to live there, decorate, design, garden, fish and socialise with its surreal inhabitants and your friends online. Synced to the DS’ internal clock it acts out enchantingly in realtime and with the seasons meaning you’re likely to still be playing it next year.
Nintendogs
The first part in Nintendo’s master plan to widen the DS’ appeal, Nintendogs lets you pet and play with virtual dogs. Hitting the right chord with a predominantly female demographic, it was the Christmas present sensation that showcased the DS’ touch screen in its most tangible form.
Wario Ware Touched!
One of the funniest and most surreal games ever made sneezes onto to the DS. Essentially a massive collection of endlessly creative mini games, the crux is that each game lasts about three seconds and you don’t get told what to do! With games like ‘Pat the dog’, ‘Pluck the hair’ and ‘Wipe the snot’ it uses the touch screen and microphone in every possible way. And then some.
Trauma Center: Under the Knife
If you’ve ever watched ER and thought ‘I can do that!’ then now’s your chance as Trauma Center allows you to slice and dice people’s insides in a bid to fix them. Using the touch screen you cut, inject and sow to your hearts content to progress through this truly bizarre Japanese game.
Advance Wars: Dual Strike
Like Chess? You’ll love this! Incredibly addictive, Advance Wars is a turn-based war game where you move cute manga style tanks and planes across a map, attempting to out-strategise your opponent. The game is endless fun with its engaging single player story and in-depth multiplayer and map editor.
Meteos
An addictive puzzle game from the maker of Rez that has you matching sequences of falling shapes and blasting them into space. Meteos is one of the fastest, most intense puzzlers out there and unique features like varying gravity and power-ups will keep it fresh for quite a while. Four player games between DS’ are an essential part of the experience.
Electroplankton
Another one of the DS’ curious titles that escapes definition. More art toy than game it allows you to create music by playing with virtual fish and plankton in a variety of different ways. It doesn’t require any musical skills and can be wonderfully absorbing, especially in those post club hours.

Full Auto (16+)
Verdict: Poor man’s Burnout with guns.
Platform: 360
3/5
A few years ago Criterion gave the racing genre a much needed kick up the exhaust by infusing it with a devil may care attitude and an obsessive fascination with crashing at high speed. The game in question was Burnout and although the first in the series was lacking, the subsequent sequels have gone from strength to strength, each time upping the ante for explosive, turbo charged destruction. Full Auto attempts to build upon this heritage by simply adding guns to the mix but by doing so has lost some of Burnout’s more immediate and visceral touches.
While i’m all for strapping guns to vehicles it seems that Sega hasn’t got the balance right. As a racing game first and foremost it just hasn’t got the physics and car handling of a heavy hitter - controlling more like the twitchy Crazy Taxi than a Mad Max killing machine, with cars lacking any real weight, dynamics or even speed.
As well as adding guns (and mines, rockets, smoke screens etc.) there is the unique Unwreck meter along with the usual but under powered Nitro meter. The Unwreck meter borrows from the modern Prince of Persia games by introducing limited time control. What this boils down to is a kind of ‘Get out of jail free’ card by allowing you to rewind time when you crash your car/get nuked by an opponent. It’s an interesting addition but feels tacked on and if the cars didn’t handle like ice cream vans there would be a whole lot less crashes to rewind.
Graphically it’s solid and has that 360 shine but when compared to it’s contemporaries it’s average at best with Burnout’s visual flair eclipsing it, even from its last-gen offering.
In fact ‘average’ is what best describes the game because although everything is there - multiple play modes, unlockables, online play, it never really excels, feeling lacklustre and rushed.
Despite this though it’s entertaining to play and the online races are messy but fun - just don’t expect too much of it and you’ll get along fine. Just like my work as an ice cream man - I thought it’d be bad (and it was) but I was king of the park and ate 99’s all day long.

Perfect Dark Zero (15)
Verdict: Shiny plastic people
Platform: 360
3/5
Perfect Dark Zero is one of the worst looking games I have ever played. It’s an odd thing to say about a game released on the most cutting edge console on the market but i’m sticking to my guns. Sure it’s crisp, Hi Def and the draw distance is magnificent but everything is horribly bland, plastic and SHINY! Every texture seems to be sweating - wood, sand, metal - you name it. It sweats. It shines. It’s horrible.
Graphical grumbles aside, Perfect Dark is a fairly decent first person shooter and the long awaited sequel to the N64 classic. Made by the Goldeneye wonder boys Rare it had been in production for years before its release (originally penned for the Game Cube) and to its detriment this shows. It feels like an old game in next gen clothing (posssibly a mirror ball suit) and is only held up by the thankfully strong offerings online (a definite theme with the 360’s first wave of games).
Since PD’s first offering, the world of the FPS has undergone many changes - titles like Deus Ex, Half Life and Halo have shown how the genre can move forward and in most cases PDZ seems to have ignored them, choosing to chase that outdated Goldeneye magic.
Saying that though it has brought with it some subtle advances - introducing an intuitive analogue zoom for scoped guns, a riot shield that changes the pace of play and some nice alternative firing modes. Blindfire is handy, allowing you to aim whilst in cover but it’s ‘me too’ and isn’t implemented very well - trying to find the small context sensitive spots amidst a gunfight is fiddly and the switches between first person to third person are jarring.
Considering the amount of time taken to make the game, you’d wonder what they spent their time doing - it should have been on level design - any game that leads you through its levels with glowing arows on the floor needs some serious rethinking.
As I said earlier, the online stuff is great, with a ton of game types to play with like the Counterstrike styled Dark Ops and a chance to experiment with all the high tech weaponry without dodgy A.I. or mission structures bogging you down.
The future‘s bright, the future’s shiny.

Dead Or Alive 4 (16+)
Verdict: Don’t play it alone.
Platform: 360.
Rating: 3/5
If there’s one thing Dead Or Alive is famous for it’s its graphics. The kind of graphics popular with teenage males - big, bouncy and scantily clad. Which is a shame because beyond that shallow reputation is an excellent and solid 3D beat-em-up which is typically simple to pick up but difficult to master.
For those not familiar with the series it’s a fairly traditional fighter with a meaningless story, cheesy FMV and a host of play modes, unlockables and online scrapping. What differs it from the Tekkens and Virtua Fighters is the ‘Free’ button - a multifunctional command that works as a standard block and more importantly, with precise timing - counter attacks. These can turn the game round at any moment - button bashers be warned, a skilled player can win without even throwing a punch.
As an evolution from DOA3 and Ultimate it works well but pulls no surprises. Gameplay is quicker (punishingly so), environments feature obstacles that can be used to your advantage and there’s a decent roster of new characters (including a secret cameo from the Halo universe) as well as the welcome return of some old favourites like Brad Wong, the Drunken Fist Kung-Fu master.
Counter attack timing has been tightened too which while making them more satisfying to pull off in multiplayer can become frustrating in single player when the A.I. uses them at the drop of a hat and strings together painfull, unblockable combos that leave you close to death in one attack. Having a sixth sense will definitely help, especially against my new nemesis - the teleporting end boss.
Like any fighter though, repeated play is required to truly master the game and after a while the counters start to flow. At this point multiplayer really comes into its own and its where DOA4 excels with its excellent online service making up for the weaker solo play.
Introducing a bizarre new lobby system and customisable avatars, the game allows you to socialise with others while waiting for your turn to fight in matches like ‘Winner stays on’. It’s oh so satisfying to be that winner and as a loser you can watch and learn. Or just watch if you’re so inclined.
Touted as a graphical showcase for the 360 the environments are truly stunning but I can’t help but be disappointed by the bland, doll like nature of the characters. For fans of the dolls though that old ‘age’ cheat is still there for added bounce.

Xbox 360 Live roundup
Taking the 360 shaped baton from Paul last week i’ve spent most of my time checking out its online features and delving into a selection of arcade titles. Its certainly moved on a whole lot since its embryonic days on the original Xbox with a system that has you online from the moment the console is turned on. This ‘always online’ functionality means you can access Live (the 360’s online monicker) at any time to check which friends are online, send them messages, use voice chat and compare automatically uploaded high scores. It even updates you mid game when friends come online, creating a real sense of community not experienced on any other gaming platform.
Whilst the original Xbox’s Live was pioneering it suffered the well founded reputation that online gaming was a kind of no man’s land where anything went. If you didn’t like petulant teens calling you a ‘n00b’ at every opportunity it wasn’t the place for you. This time round however its been cleaned up by offering different gaming zones with Family and Underground at each end of the spectrum. Swearing in the Family zone will get your account banned. While the zones help to weed out the undesirables some will inevitably slip through the net which is where my favourite feature comes in - feedback. If you play with someone who is particularly irritating, say perhaps they sing an R Kelly song throughout the entire match, you can choose to never, ever play with them again. Genius.
They’ve also introduced Live Arcade - an online collection of retro classics (online 4 player Gauntlet anyone?) and modern arcade games available to download for a small fee. Here’s a quick round up of the most notable arcade games -
Geometry Wars Evolved - Asteroids meets Robotron in a vector based hallucination employing some lovely use of Newton’s laws.
Mutant Storm - another child of Robotron, it’s a shooter with an emphasis on speed, score multipliers and a unique difficulty system.
Marble Blast Ultra - Monkeyball, without the monkeys.
Outpost Kaloki X - entertaining sim game that allows you to build and manage your own space station.
Zuma - amidst the bland looking puzzle games this stands out with it’s nice characterisation and gameplay as you shoot marbles from the mouth of an Aztec Frog.
Wik and the Fable of souls - unique platformer that involves swinging from the trees by your tongue.
Hexic HD - deceptively complex but relaxing puzzle game.
Live is now an integral part of the console as opposed to a niche area for the hardcore gamer. Without it you’re only getting half the experience.